How Mentorship Accelerates Personal Growth, ft. Chris Austin | Ep. 29

Chris Austin: Don't doubt yourself. Run your race. Uh, it's important to just love yourself and push yourself. Don't feel like you have to accomplish things to make other people happy.

Chris Miller: Welcome to Talk to People, a weekly podcast where I get to sit down and talk with a variety of people about how they got from where they were to where they are and how they improved their life through having better conversations, relationships, and community. What you're about to hear is a conversation that I had with Chris Austin. Chris is the site coordinator of the Lawrence Boys and Girls Club. Now, I asked Chris to be on the podcast because I think it's incredibly important to have intergenerational community a few podcasts ago. You can go back and check it out. I'll have a little link to it here I had on Mia Santorelli, and she was talking about the power of connecting with those older than you and how much wisdom and insight we can gain. Now, in addition to that, I think it's incredibly important to connect with those younger than us, either in a mentorship role or really we can even learn from them. And this is something that Chris does incredibly well. We cover a lot of ground in this episode, ranging from leadership tips to how to relate to those who are younger than you, the power of mentorship, and how to provide consistent leadership, even if you are a, uh, similar age to those you're managing. We even near the end of the episode, flip the script, and Chris begins to ask me questions where we unpack. Kind of what I have in mind for the podcast and what I hope the podcast looks like in three years. So shout out to Chris for flipping the script. It wasn't planned. It just kind of naturally happens that way.

Chris Austin: You go in, you could talk to people from multitudes of walks of lives, and it was just like, you can talk to someone from a different country, someone who's been a, uh, convicted felon. You could talk to, uh, a mother of four, and it's just an opportunity for people to interact with each other.

Chris Miller: Now, before we hop into the episode, I do want to tell you about a newsletter I've been working on. It's called the social fitness lab newsletter. I send out a new edition every Monday through Friday. And what's inside of it is a simple tip that I've been working on that I think is going to help you. So if you'd like to be a part of this, you can just click the link. You can always unsubscribe if you don't like it. But my thought is, if I can help you by creating something that is free but also somewhat insightful, then I'd love to be able to share that and bring you all in on that. So the link is going to be down below. With that being said, you are officially live in the dining room studio.

Chris Austin: Oh, wow.

Chris Miller: How has your day been?

Chris Austin: My, uh, day has actually been pretty good. Um, really mellow. We don't have any teens at the club, so able to actually get some of the administrative duties I have to do, done and taken care of.

Chris Miller: So let's talk about the club because you mentioned the club and a lot of people listening may not know what the club is. So we'll start there. What is the club?

Chris Austin: So the club boys and Girls Club, my home away from home. Um, I've been a part of the movement for it's going on eleven years. It'll be eleven years in August. Started, uh, as a 19 year old kid. Now progressed into I've gone through the pipeline and done group leading. I've been, um, a psych coordinator, which is like leadership at the club for about seven years. So I was a group leader for three, almost four years. And then from there it was just leadership because I've been at the club for long enough and they trusted me to watch these kids and make sure I don't lose them or anything. So been kind of blessed, right?

Chris Miller: You haven't lost them. And I saw you at the club. The way that you can work with all the different people was impressive. So you started going to the club when you were a kid. What age were you?

Chris Austin: Um, for me personally, I mean, I had to have been like, when I was a kid kid, maybe like 3rd, 4th grade. Um, I'm from Topeka, so at that time, there was two Boys and Girls Club. There was like a north site and a south site. Um, I went to the Adams unit, which is the south side. And I had a cousin or an uncle that was, uh, and it's like a families know each other for a long time type uncle situation who was like a director there. And, um, he would talk to my mom and say he should come over to Boys and Girls Club. All my friends would kind of go over there. So we lived maybe 510 minutes bike ride away. So after school, when I was old enough, I was able to ride my bike over there and hang out and always enjoy the environment. Kind of feel like a fish out of water at times. Because that club is kind of like ours. Um, ours is you have multiple spaces you can do things in and you can kind of choose to go between them. So imagine that. Uh, but it's like kindergarten through high school. Uh, it's like community center kind of. And this is before, I believe, boys and Girls Club not necessarily rebranded, but, uh, they now have more of a focus on intentional activities and learning. Back then, it was just like a free for all, so you can go and hang out inside the gym all day. And they did some coursework and stuff. They had like an art room and they had computers and a games room. But, um, yeah, it was just like an experience being to be around my peers and hang out with them and, uh, not be in school. So you have all the amenities of school. You have teachers and, uh, adults, like mentors, but then you also have access to the gym or hey, they're going to be doing this food activity inside the cafeteria. We should all go for that. Uh, so that's pretty fun.

Chris Miller: I want to put myself, if I could get in a time machine, hop back in one, because I had some of that for soccer, being around teammates, even if we went to different schools. But seeing the club now, I get to witness all these people from different schools being able to hang out as if they are classmates and they're just kicking it. And what's cool is the staff is really cool with them. And I know we could probably go in depth on that, but I'm curious about one thing. You said you rode your bike to, um, the club. What kind of bike did you have? Tell me.

Chris Austin: Okay, so I had, uh, a Mongoose for a while. Mongoose with the pegs on the back? I didn't have front pegs. I wasn't that adventurous.

Chris Miller: Um, did you give people rides?

Chris Austin: Sometimes we would ride home together. My sister would walk with me home and I would shop on the back of the bike. I, um, had that for a good while and then it got stolen and I was pretty upset. And then I think I got a Huffy, like a mountain bike. And then from then on, it was just mountain bikes. I mean mongoose. The BMX bikes were cool when I was like a kid. But then as I got older, it was like I was traveling a lot farther and going up and down hills. And once I got the mountain bike able to shift gears, I was like, why was I ever not riding this in the first place?

Chris Miller: Game changer.

Chris Austin: Yes, it definitely was.

Chris Miller: Yeah. I used to be the guy with the BMX bike who would ride around and do the flips and the tricks. I never did a flip, but I'd do spins.

Chris Austin: Okay.

Chris Miller: And recently I got a mountain bike and it's hanging up on the wall. I can show it to you, but I haven't been using it as much. But I got it because it seems like more of a grown up option, man, for sure.

Chris Austin: You feel a lot more adult. Like, I never, being a kid of being like, I got a mountain bike and it was like, tall and it was completely different than what I ever experienced. I mean, having the pegs, it was for tricks, and I was never like a trick kid. The most adventurous I would get is, um, we ride on the pegs and take our hands off and stand on the bike and stuff, but, uh, all the extra stuff my friends were doing, and I was not into that.

Chris Miller: Yeah, I had a buddy who was like, hey, can I ride your BMX bike? Because I would do this trick where I'd ride, and I'd put my foot put my foot off the pedal and put it on the front wheel, and the whole bike would tip up like that.

Chris Austin: Oh, wow.

Chris Miller: And then I would go back down, and he said, hey, can I try that? So I said, sure. So he did it, and he fell over the handlebars, and then he broke his arm.

Chris Austin: Oh, man.

Chris Miller: I saw his first try, and I felt so bad for him. But in the moment, we didn't know it was a break. We just thought he had, like, hurt himself. And then he went home. And then the next day, he showed up with one of those hard cast.

Chris Austin: Cast? Oh, man.

Chris Miller: Yeah.

Chris Austin: That was a long knifer, man. I never was, um, a trick person. I remember we, uh, went to this little dirt path, uh, and it was me and few of my friends and had these hills. And it was my first time ever doing something like that. So they were all used to it. So I go down the hill, and then I do the first jump. And when I land, when you go up, you're supposed to stand. Yeah, I didn't stand. I racked myself really hard and fell over. And I was like, yeah, I'm not doing any more of this stuff. From that day forward, I was like, I'm a normal bike rider. Take my hands off the steering, off the, uh, handlebars every once in a while, but that's about it.

Chris Miller: Yeah, I feel you. But with the mountain bike, it feels like you're riding your bike to work. Almost like you need your own parking spot. You've been leading the staff with the Boys and Girls Club. What's that like?

Chris Austin: To start at the beginning, it was an interesting transition because the position itself, as site coordinator, was pretty much new. Um, they had what was called a program manager, um, program director. And, um, it's essentially what I do now, but they had made these changes. They, uh, went to this thing called area director who was over two sites, two, three sites, and they would have, like, a lead staff there who was the site coordinator. And so the duties got broken up. I still do a lot of the same things across both of those, the title just changes. Right?

Chris Miller: Yeah.

Chris Austin: But at that point in time, it was brand new. I had just been, like, a staff for a few years, and now I'm thrust into this leadership position, and I wanted the leadership position, don't get me wrong. But how do I move from being a peer with these people to now making decisions for the club? And the Cyclone position was really, um, how do I say it? It's supposed to be the bridge between the school and the club. So a lot of the staff just come in after school, they do the activities, they go home. I was there all day. So there were a lot of times I was there from we had morning club, so I was there at seven to, like, 630.

Chris Miller: Wow.

Chris Austin: So it also helped with recruitment of kids, building relationship with families. They would see me all the school events and things like that. So it was an interesting thing at first. And then I started to dive into, like, well, what do I need to do to be a leader? Because, uh, I think a lot of, um, my peers who got the position were like, oh, uh, now I'm the boss. I get to be this new program manager. But for me, it was, how do I coach, uh, up my peers to have the same passion for the club? Because I always felt I was slightly, uh, different than some other people. How they viewed the club. It wasn't just come in and play Uno for a few hours and hang out. It was, how do I make an impact on these kids? Kind of the try hard method.

Chris Miller: But.

Chris Austin: It does work. And it's like, I think, um, in everyone's time at the club, their first year is always, like, the hard one, because you're trying to figure out where you stand with the kids. You're trying to figure out, um, what it actually means to you. Some people come in and only work for, like, a year. I think the average is like, a year and a half. Honestly, you come in, you work for a year, a year and a half. You get done with school, you're done. Or, hey, I'm going back home, so on. Uh, so to have anyone that stays longer than two years is already, like, a big win for me. So me to be there my first year, I was a teenager, I came in, I played the Uno, hung out with the kids. But then over time, I started developing these relationships with my youth because I worked for kindergarten. So they were like real little uh huh. And seeing how some of the things I would plan would really brighten their days or make them feel better, and how they wanted to come to club to hang out with me, gave me a sense of purpose and belonging that helped, uh, push me wow. Uh, to keep wanting to do it. And that's what made me come back the next year. And then the next year, I was like, well, how can I improve upon this? I had these kids for a year. I moved up with them. So now they're in first grade. I'm working with first grade, too. How can I do this now with them? All right, I'm going to do a little more intentional activities, try to do some more long term things at, um, that point is when I was like, well, maybe I should set aside a little bit of my own money to do certain activities because we only got so much for supplies. So if I was like, man, $100 for the whole school year. If we want to blow it on one big thing. I remember one year we did like, uh, gingerbread houses. $100 on gingerbread houses. And we would do like, one big gingerbread activity. Or it'd be like a bunch of really small activities that would spend a little bit of money on help, uh, entice the kids, get them to buy into it. And over time, I think it just kind of like, set in with me that I really enjoyed being around them and doing the job, which, in a long, roundabout way, is what I wanted to bring to the leadership position with the staff. It was like finding that buy in. I, uh, never asked them to bring their money to the club and spend stuff. But having that one, two when you go home and being know, I did this activity today, the kids seem to really enjoy it. How can I improve upon know I have Billy inside of my group? He's troublesome, but I saw him find this spark when we were doing this art activity. Maybe I should do that a few more times, let him lead it or find a way to get him more involved. Um, so yeah, that's kind of like my mindset with the staff. And I think my leadership has changed over the years from when I was a site coordinator to now. Ah, now I'm definitely more like the Big brother aspect of it. Uh, just because I'm so much older at the time. I was like, 22. And I'm like, you guys are basically my peers. I'm not going to tell them what to do. Anything I would ask them to do, I would do with them. But it's definitely like, now I'm more of like a coach mentor for them. And, uh, sometimes I consider them like the big kids in a sense, because they're coming in. They're 19. Well, maybe not with the teens, but 20 year old. And they never had worked with youth before or teens. All right, look at the situation like this. You were a teenager and this adult approached you and they were telling you you were doing something the wrong way. How would you feel? How would you want them to approach it? Knowing your mentorship style and who you are as a person, how can you connect with this kid who has basically no shared interest with you? How can you find that common ground?

Chris Miller: Yeah, uh, that's tough.

Chris Austin: So this challenging to do stuff like that has been really good for them. It's been good for me, too. I feel like I'm learning and growing, too, at the same time.

Chris Miller: Have you gotten pretty good at uno.

Chris Austin: Uh, actually, I don't play Uno at all. The, uh, teams cheat. They cheat a lot. It is honestly cheating. Um, they change the rules. So you'll start playing the game, and I'm big on the rules are all stated up front. You tell me if it's house rules up front, I'm good. So we start playing the game, and it's fine. And then halfway through, you guys start stacking, and I'm getting hit with a draw 16 because everyone else starts stacking. I'm like, we haven't been doing this the entire game. Why do you switch the rules? And I'm a pretty flexible person, but I'm also competitive. So it turned into a huge thing where I was just like, I just cannot play Uno with you guys unless you guys tell me the rules up front. And they swear up and down they don't cheat, but they cheated.

Chris Miller: Yeah. Put this on record.

Chris Austin: I'm putting it on record. There are other games. We play Jenga a lot. I'm pretty good at jenga. Connect Four. Uh, I would say I'm solid at chess. I'm no, like, Grandmaster or anything like that, but pretty solid at chess. Uh, checkers. I'm pretty good at, like, board games I'm cool with. Right.

Chris Miller: Uno. Once they break out the Uno deck, you're like, no. Yeah.

Chris Austin: There's nothing. The phase ten. Yeah, phase ten is real tough for me. I don't want to play forever. It does. And I feel like, again, I didn't know how to play that game for the longest time, so I had teens teaching me, which is fine. It made them feel good about teaching Mr. Chris a game. But then I'm watching them play the game, one thing happens, and then we start actually playing it. And I'm like, you didn't say anything about, like, I think you're not being honest with me. I think you're no, no, it's in the rules. It's in the, uh good.

Chris Miller: But don't check the rules. It's in the rules. But don't read the rules.

Chris Austin: Yeah. Don't actually read them. Because, I mean, even we play Uno and they talk about stacking. The Uno, official Uno twitter and stuff will say, like, stacking is not real, and I don't know if it's misinformation or what.

Chris Miller: Yeah. Propaganda.

Chris Austin: Yeah. But I read the little booklet. It didn't say anything about stacking at all. It's not a thing.

Chris Miller: Yeah. I haven't played Uno enough to even know. Because the premise of the game is you have a I wasn't thinking I was going to ask about Uno, but I am just because I'm curious. Now, the premise of the game is you have your cards with different numbers and colors on them. Right. And then a few of those cards will be Uno, reverse, and then draw three and whatever. Right. So then depending on what you lay down, as long as I can lay down a card that has the same color or the same number, then I'm good.

Chris Austin: Yeah. Or you have, like, a specialty card.

Chris Miller: Cool.

Chris Austin: And so this is where it gets kind of sticky, because in the official rules, if you have, like, a wild card that changes the color or a wild draw four, in the official book, it says you cannot play that unless you have no other card to play. Um, so a lot of us just play, like, if you have this card, you could play it at any point in time. That's like a difference in house rules versus official rules. And I try to express that to people in teens. I'm like, sometimes it's fine to have your own variation of things, but just so you know, this is how you play. And they swear up and down, no. And I get out the book, and I'm like, this is exactly what it says. I'm not making this up. Uh, I got real funny, uh, with it last year, and there's, like, an all wild version where it's like, all wild cards.

Chris Miller: Uh oh, wow.

Chris Austin: Uh, so it's like, wild wild change colors or, like, wild swap hands wild draw six.

Chris Miller: It's all wild nightmare.

Chris Austin: No, actually, for me, that was fun.

Chris Miller: Yeah, because then you could because everyone.

Chris Austin: Could just cheat and just play their cards, and it just gets real toxic really fast. I'm totally fine with that. We know the parameters of the game up front, right? Then kids try to cheat the system and say, oh, we can stack and do this. I'm like, no, we're not doing that. And then what's stacking? Um, if you have a draw two, you play that, and I have a draw two. And I'm next. I play my draw two. So the next person draws four unless they have one as well.

Chris Miller: Okay. And then could I do a draw four on that, or do I have to have a draw two?

Chris Austin: See, that's where it gets sticky, because people were like, oh, well, two plus two equals four. I'm playing this wild draw four. So now you got to draw eight. And to me, it's just like, I got to back out of this game. I'm getting too invested in it.

Chris Miller: I want to maintain my integrity and my Poise here. Yeah. Have you always been like, let's go look at the instructions, kind of buy the book?

Chris Austin: Actually, no, I think, um, that's been something that has definitely grown on me since I've been working with the teens. Uh, I was always just a go out there, go do it type person. I'm still am. I mean, if you give me a shelf to build, I'm not reading the instructions. I'm just going to jump in and try to do it and probably mess up four or five times and then go back and read the instructions. So now with the teens, I see the value in it because, um, working, uh, with them, I get to watch them try these things and make those mistakes, and then I'm like the master yoda, come in and be like, well, if you read the instruction manual from here to here, uh, it'll help us out. Like, oh, I should have this in the beginning.

Chris Miller: I'm like, yeah, you're right as you are thinking the same thing whenever you did it right earlier. It's so funny the way that works. I know that working with teens, one of the things that I observed was the important thing is not being the wisest or the smartest or the hardest working. The important thing is being present and being consistently there. Yes. Because I feel like a lot of people and this is my opinion, you're the boss as far as this goes. So you may have another thing in mind. But one of the things that I would look at is oftentimes people will be like, uh, oh, man, but what if they ask me a question I don't know about? Or what if they see me mess up? And then I'm like, Dang. But being there and being around and being there for the good days and the bad days and developing that consistency, which I think has been one of your greatest strengths, is that you've been there, right. And consistently so. Then there's so much data to look upon, it's like, oh yeah, he'll be there because he's been there. And I imagine the kids will probably think similarly.

Chris Austin: I do believe they think that way, um, at times that I think they get, um, a little bit not burnout with me. It's like when you're around someone that much. Because there are kids I've known since they are in second grade who currently come to the club. I've known them for a long time. There are kids who maybe don't come to the club, but I see them in high school and those are my original kindergartners. They're going into their junior year in high school right now. So it's like being around them. The consistency is like, great. But then also some of the things I say and do kind of falls on deaf ears a little bit. Uh, and that's a thing that's I think kind of hard for me is like, you enjoyed being around me so much when you were in fourth grade, now you're eigth grade or 9th grader can't stand me. But I mean, they're people too. They're going to change over time. Things, uh, are always going to align.

Chris Miller: It's almost like you get parenting experience because I imagine the parent feels that way.

Chris Austin: This is like working with the youth in this capacity of boys and Girls club is the greatest. It's like distant co parenting in a way. I see some kids, especially when I was with elementary, I would come in from morning program about 636, 45 and there would be kids who would show up there about 650. So they're there at 650 and they're not leaving until six p. Um m. Because they're at school all day they go to after school program. So in a regular work week, I probably spend more time with someone's kid than them. Making HM that time valuable, making sure those kids are safe, making sure they feel good about the time that they spend with me. And also the parents feeling good about that is always super important to me because some parents I grew up in a single parent household. My mom having, um, trusted mentors that she knew I can go with and be safe at and learn something, try something new. And I can come home and be like, I did this today. It meant a lot to her. So just creating that environment for those kids is, like, huge for me.

Chris Miller: Yeah. Uh, and you had a whole bunch of questions for yourself. You were asking, how do I transition from being a peer to a leader? You were asking, how do I navigate whenever the kids are burnt out or feel like I'm just that old guy? Right, right. All right, bro. I've heard it. It's like in Charlie Brown's.

Chris Austin: Like, exactly.

Chris Miller: And then someone else will say that same thing and they're like, this guy's brilliant. Could be challenging. How do you find answers to this.

Chris Austin: Stuff? I'm a very reflective person. Uh, I think I do my most growth when I'm able to walk away from a situation and just look at all the things that are in my control. And, uh, the question of what happens when the kids get burnout with me, the burnout is inevitable in any scenario. Whether that's, like, my staff, the kids, even just like my family. Like, at some point, you're going to be around someone. Like, I just don't want to be around you right now. How am I interacting with them? How am I trying to recognize those signs of burnout? Or how am I trying to minimize or maximize the time if you're burnout with me? We work together every single day around each other all the time. And I know that there's a good five minute window where I'm going to have your attention. You're not going to be, like, overhearing me, speak. I got to maximize that time somehow. Um, just reflecting on things like that and, uh, like you said, with consistency. Being around the teens for so long, and my team itself, I kind of noticed those things. I'm definitely like a people watcher. I don't know if that's just inherent to me or something I picked up with the job, or it's definitely something that's grown with it. So I watch, um, a lot of people's interactions and traits, and I look at and think about, here's how we work as a dynamic. Here's the things that I notice about them, here's the shared spaces or interests that we have.

Chris Miller: Do you journal?

Chris Austin: Uh, I used to. Uh, I don't know if it's like, just me personally, I struggle with continuing things like that. Some things catch. My attention and I cling to them really quickly and I do them a lot. But then over time I kind of fade away from that. So there have been times I've journaled mhm and there are times that I definitely open up my notes app on my phone and jot some things down. Some thoughts and uh, feelings or if it's like some profound hits me, I'm like I got to research this a little bit more. I got to find a book about this or something when the moment strikes. But as far as continuously doing it, I haven't really been keeping up with it. Uh, I want to though. I definitely think it's good to have some form of outlet or have that.

Chris Miller: It'S like reflection on paper, you know what I mean? And you mentioned you are a reflector so it makes me think, oh, I wonder if he journals. I recently made a rule for myself. I can't get on social media in the morning until I've read my Bible. Read a book that I'm just focused on be it it could be about YouTube or podcasting or about know, just a book. That way I can learn something and then journal. And once I do those things and then I kind of made this rule, this rule that I have to eat breakfast prior or I have to make myself breakfast before I can look at my phone and be social media because I will hop on social media and.

Chris Austin: Then get going with it. Going yeah.

Chris Miller: And then I forget to eat, which is crazy. So I have to make sure that I'm taking care of my body and getting food. But I say all that to say I've been journaling more. That's good. Yeah. It's one of those things that we hear about it and we know it's helpful. We don't always do it and when we do it, it's hard to know how to do it. It may not feel the most beneficial. It's like exercising. You show up and you do it and you're like, is this really doing anything? I'm just spending my time. But that could be a cool thing to consider. Particularly with your reflective nature.

Chris Austin: Yeah, I mean finding the time or creating a time for that is always difficult. I am more apt to um meditating, honestly.

Chris Miller: Oh yeah.

Chris Austin: How do you do it? I just create a space or a time, about 15 minutes where I can sit either alone in my room or sometimes it's really just me outside of work. I leave the job, I cut all my AC inside my car or something and I just sit inside my car for a little bit. Or a lot of people joke about when they get home, they sit inside their car before they go inside. That's perfect time. Just take a second, be a little mindful m uh, feeling your body, I guess. Not necessarily like touching yourself, but understanding you go through a whole day. And you don't think about how you actually physically feel so good. You don't think about arms feel like this. Like my limbs, my fingers, taking deep breaths. Uh, intentional quietness, like silence. Um, that's the time I probably reflect the most. I just think about the day, think about how I'm feeling. I think about at the end, I'll think about what I actually have to do going forward. Like, uh, when I go inside, I have to go do the dishes or make sure to send this email or check call my mom or something like that. But, uh, for those 15 minutes or ten minutes, however long it is, I just deep breaths. Think about how I feel. Think about what would make me feel better if I'm not feeling good. Think about if I am feeling good, what I am thankful for in that moment. And then I'm right back to it. Ah, I wish I would do it more often, longer. But I haven't gotten to that point where I can sit for 30 minutes and just meditate. That's really hard for me.

Chris Miller: What do you think about those monks who can sit for 8 hours?

Chris Austin: I've thought about that and I think it's a way that they were, uh, brought up. Uh huh. I mean, given the time that we live in now, we're overloaded because things are just thrown at us. Like, you talk about getting on social media and you see a million things on there. You see a thread and you're like, I'm going to read this. And you see someone make a funny comment. You click on that and you're going down the rabbit hole. Me, personally, I have Twitter and I use Reddit. Yeah. Those are my two main, uh, forms of social media. And Reddit is like the deepest rabbit hole.

Chris Miller: Like, and people write essays on there. Yeah.

Chris Austin: You start on one thread about something and you turn around and next thing you know, I'm reading about someone's experience with this pellet smoker or something. And then I'm like, man, now I'm reading about rocket scientists and I'm just going down a rabbit hole. Um, so I would imagine these monks never experienced anything like that. And their idols, the people that they look up to, also never experienced anything like that. So imagine if your idols were or our idols were people who meditated or journaled and do those things. It would have a profound impact on how we view adulthood. Because, I mean, my mom, she was definitely like an always get up and go type person, right? Yeah. And for that, I'm thankful for her for that. But as far as mindfulness things outside of praying, uh huh. She never really showed me how to actually do that. And so in this case of these monks or these people who have the ability to meditate for long periods of time, they probably had a mentor of some kind who demonstrated that we pick up on things just by watching, like, the adults in our lives.

Chris Miller: Ah. Uh, so that you're saying they didn't have TikTok?

Chris Austin: Oh, no. I think the world be a lot different if the Tibetan monks had TikTok. They probably do have a TikTok channel or something.

Chris Miller: Honestly, just meditating. Um, yeah. Have you ever tried when you're meditating to.

Chris Austin: Think about nothing? When I was younger, I say younger. I'm 30 now. When I was, like, 23, 24, that's what I would just focus on. It's like nothing. But then I would walk away feeling like I didn't accomplish anything. So then again, it's one of those moments where I got struck by, I need to research some things and figure this out. Because in my mind, growing up, it was like meditation was just silence. You don't do anything, focus on nothing, listen to some ocean sounds or something and move on. But there are other ways of going about it. And the one that really connected with me was, like, understanding how you actually physically feel. I love that going inward.

Chris Miller: Yeah.

Chris Austin: And so I started practicing that. And when you first start meditating, it really is like finding five minutes to just do it. Because if you've never done it before, sitting silently for five minutes and just, like, basking in that silence is hard. Especially when you have your phone, you have a job, you have stressors outside of here, external things that kind of weigh on you. So we'll find those five minutes. I, uh, get off of work and sit, uh, inside my room. Deep breaths. Think about how do my feet feel right now, how do my arms feel? How does it feel when I take deep breaths into my nose, out through my mouth, thinking about a sip of water I may have had that day that was really refreshing. And then from there, it expanded to, all right, I'm going to go a little bit longer and think about more things. There are definitely times where I fell asleep, too. I would lay down and do that, sit in my bed and good rest, fall asleep. The fastest I ever fell asleep. And this is like a trick that I don't know if anyone ever does. Let's do, uh, it. I just recollect my entire day. So I lay in bed. I haven't been on my phone for, like, 30 minutes to an hour. And I think about what my day was like from the moment I woke up. When I woke up, this is exactly what I saw. This is what I thought, a play by play. And I don't know if it's just so boring or it's like the meditative reflection of it about by the time I get to about 10:00 a.m. Wow, I'm sleeping. Not even lunchtime? Uh, yeah, not even lunchtime. Because most of the time, I'm like I try to remember everything about my day, what I looked at, how I felt when I got up. Like, man, my Achilles was hurting, so I stretched my leg, and then it felt pretty relieving. So now I got up, I used the bathroom and washed my hands, did this, this, and this. I brushed my teeth. I, uh, remember my mom texted me at this time, this is what we talked about. I thought about what I was going to say to her and blah, blah, blah. Again, by the time I get to about 10:00 A.m., if I get to noon, I didn't have a very eventful day.

Chris Miller: But I normally I'm out. I'm sleep. That's a good exercise. And I feel like it also helps with your recall, your ability to bring back to present mind what happened in the past.

Chris Austin: Yeah, it's really the time frame, like, being able to actually sit down and do that, because I don't believe that my ability to recall things is bad. I think a lot of people, they feel like it's bad. It's more of you are just doing so many different things at once. Amen. Uh, our computer is running so much. You have so many tabs open that it's easy to miss things and forget things. But when you're able to find that moment and again meditate or lay down and just kind of rest for a second, not talk to anyone, not be on socials, you start mentally closing some of those tabs and you realize, like, I remember a lot more about my day than I realized or I even thought about.

Chris Miller: Yeah. What are you using? Chrome or Firefox or Microsoft Edge?

Chris Austin: Uh, Safari.

Chris Miller: Yeah, I'm definitely a chrome guy. Me too, man. Why is there so many Chrome guys, uh, out there? I don't know, man. It's so easy, and I like the interface of it. But there's a study that is relevant to what we're talking about. They took I say they I imagine it's a university. I read it in this book called Reclaiming Conversation. So this professor and, uh, students and faculty, they took two groups of people. One was all men, one was all female. And they put them one by one in a room by themselves with an electronic emitter. Like, it would shock them. Really? Yeah. But it was up to them whether or not they would shock themselves. Like, they were given the instructions of how to shock themselves, and they told them all, uh, right, you are just going to sit in this room by yourself without your phone and your smartwatch and no screens, nothing like that. And the test is you just need to be here by yourself alone. But if you'd like, you can shock yourself. And it was actually, like, an ow shock, not just like a gentle thing. It would actually hurt them. Not too much. I imagine the IRB wouldn't have let the research happen. Right. It wasn't pleasant. And the majority of men in the room shocked themselves because they couldn't deal with that lack of sensory stimulation. And the author uses this to make the illustration of we are so used to going outward, we're so used to checking our notifications, we're so used to seeing what's on TV. We're so used to constantly ensuring every minute of our day is productive, dealt with productivity. And what we're not used to is going inward and sitting down and figuring out what's going on inside of us. And she said there's an elevator test. And the elevator test is when you step in an elevator, what's the first thing you see people do? And 99% of the time it's going for your phone. Yeah, because you can't leave the elevator and you just have to sit there. And now I try to because of that. I've always thought of that. I read that book like, five years ago. I still think of that. So whenever I'm in an elevator or whenever I'm, um, sitting on the toilet, I say, no phone and I'm just going to sit there and be inward. Focus on everything that's going inward. Asking myself those questions, why am I stressed? What is going on? Do I feel worried? Or do I feel upset? Or do I actually feel sad?

Chris Austin: That's tough. It is hard. And I mean, even just the question of asking yourself, why am I stressed? I've definitely found myself stressing myself out more. And sometimes you're able to, ah, eliminate a lot of things and be like, why am I stressed about this? Why am I anxious about these things? I'm just creating this for myself. But then I think, ah, sometimes you get in a place where it's, I'm creating this for myself and you become frustrated with yourself. And I think a part of that is, um, a symptom of social media. Like, you look at other people, especially Instagram, you see people living like, these great lives and like, oh, they're not stressed at all. They're not dealing with this stuff, so why am I dealing with these things? Um, it's hard to self reflect and be, uh, accountable for, hey, I'm creating a stressful environment for myself by interacting with these people or not doing these things. Or I feel bad about X, Y and Z because I am or am not doing these things. I'm putting these things off. That's a next level maturity thing that I mean, people are mature that don't know how to do it. There are people in the world who never experience that. They just cannot get over that hump.

Chris Miller: And actually deal with it. Why do you think that is?

Chris Austin: Man, I don't know. There's tons of factors. I think a part of it is like denial. Uh, denial of I can possibly make my life that much harder by putting something off or not reflecting, I think also acceptance that we are imperfect. We can say that where I say I'm not perfect. But then when something is brought up to me that I'm not doing correctly. How do I take, uh, in that information and not take it personally? Like, it's not an attack on my character. It's just something I don't know how to do right. I know that's something that men, uh, struggle with a lot. Like, um, being told that we can or cannot do something or we don't do something up to par is a huge part of character development for a lot of men. I, um, always suggest to the teens, especially the guys, we do this thing called Guys Group, and I talk about, uh, ego death. Like, we have to go through an ego death at some point in your life where you normally for a lot of minutes after that first real breakup they have as, like, an adult, maybe they didn't do something right. Maybe they got cheated on. Maybe they would have run and winning the wrong. Yeah. But taking that time to be comfortable with self understanding who you are, understanding that the way people perceive you and the way that you treat yourself can be the same in some factors. It can be different, too. We put on facades a lot, and then working through that and becoming happy with who you are as a person and knowing that there's things you can grow in, you come out on the other side of that ego death a lot more well rounded person, a lot more calmer, feeling a lot better about life. Hopefully, uh, feeling a lot better about life. And I think that's a part of it. Just, like, being able to all right, this is how I used to perceive myself, as, um, a 17 year old. Now being 22. Real life is set in. I can't be this fictional superhero I created myself out to be. I'm not perfect. Some people just don't get that. I don't know, maybe it takes a mentor saying it. Maybe it takes a really bad moment in your life. I know for a lot of people that I've personally dealt with, um, like older men, they would have gone to jail. Yeah, I went to jail or went to prison for ten years, and they had to sit down. And at that point, it's like you have no other choice other than become reflective and figure out what you're doing with your life. If I was to create a playbook for people, especially like young men, that is the one thing I'm like. Once you hit about 1819, I would say just do your ego death thing. Focus on self. Focus on the people that really care for you, your family. Find, uh, a craft or a hobby. Lean into it. Create some skills, some opportunities for yourself, and then just live in the moment. Like, love the moment. Go outside, listen to music. Just take deep breaths. Don't think you have to race with other people. Don't think you have to be this certain person to achieve goals right. Uh, I don't know. For me, that was super helpful. Again, 23 to about 28 for me, was like, that was my thing.

Chris Miller: Really? Did you get dumped real bad?

Chris Austin: Oh, yeah. It was terrible. Terrible moment in my life. I'm always the type of person I date for long times. I want to have long term relationships. And the relationship I had just wasn't very healthy, was toxic. And I couldn't see the forest for the trees. I couldn't see that because I just cared so much and I love so deeply. This is not me blaming her. Sure. I think there were things I wasn't doing as the boyfriend and the man in her life to create the environment in which how, uh, do I say this? In a relationship, it's about submission. Uh, like, you submit to a relationship when, uh, you become married, you're not submitting, but you're agreeing to, I'm not getting married just because I love you. I'm getting married because I want to love you even when it's hard, like, worth of those things, for better or worse. Yes. So I didn't create the environment for that. Things didn't work out. She left me, and I was sitting in the worst possible scenario. I'm, like, back at, like, I'm at my dad's house or something. I'm feeling really low. And I just made a list for myself. These are things I want to do. I'm going to go back to the gym. That's always on a guy's list. And go to the gym workout. I'm going to save this money. But then it was like, other things that I think I really kept up with telling, um, the people I care about love them. Like, I would call a different person each day. Come on. Or text them, like, hey, I love you. I'm thinking about you. How are you doing? Check in with them. Um, at that point, it was leaning into my job. It was like right before I got the Cyclone Air position. Like, that year, I was like, I'm going to lean into my job and really just focus on creating the best year for these kids and giving them my best self. Um, taking a walk every single day. If I wanted to eat out, I had to walk to it. So I was going to walk to wherever I'm going to eat out at. Wow. Things like that give me out my comfort zone. Uh, listening to different albums and different types of music. And over the course of that year, I became so accustomed to that. It just continued on. I just kept on doing it. And the whole time I was like, I'm going to remain angle. Like, I just need to focus on these things, huh? Sure. So I come on the other side of this thing. That was the first time I really grew my hair out, too. One of my friends had mentioned, like, oh, you went through an ego death. And I'm like, what is that? So I started researching it. I'm like, oh, I thought I was one way. This is who I am. My ego, how people perceive me, how I perceive myself. I killed that and realized and actualized who I really could be. And I mean, if I had to put myself into, ah, who I am laid back, calm, pretty nice. I'm pretty nice. I say some mean things from time to time. I'm not perfect. Um, I like to reflect. I'm very caring. But also, I'm inquisitive. I want to learn things. I'm curious. I want to grow as a man. And realizing those things about myself and then just, like, pushing myself to do those things has been so beneficial. People that meet me, they say, oh, you're one of the calmest people I've ever met. I'm just like, really? Because I feel impatient. But I think it's from the job and just changing my perspective on life and everything.

Chris Miller: Yeah, I want to see that playbook. I think it'd be dope if you wrote out some of those things that you live by. If there are still those things. Like telling I love you to one person every day, listening to different music, which is super good. It's like taking a different way home from work, right. That idea of they talk about CrossFit muscle confusion or something like that, but this idea of constantly doing different things keeps us on our toes and helps us grow quicker because we don't get complacent. Um, but if you wrote out some of those things, I can put it in the show notes for other people to be able to if you want to share. But I think that could be really helpful. And it could also be a lot of people who write books, they have a blog that they wrote, and one entry in this blog ended up being the thesis of a book. So this could be a good thesis or a good foundation if you ever wanted to do a playbook, because I think about that too. But I was thinking about whenever on the last podcast you were on and I was in the room watching you, you had this super cool way you ended it. What did you say? You said, like, be kind, but remain dangerous.

Chris Austin: Oh, yeah. It's like, treat everyone with respect, but stay dangerous. Yeah, that's really cool. Yeah. It's a mindset of, like, you can love everyone, you can respect everyone and still, uh, hold yourself value higher, I guess. I don't know how to fully explain it. I think about, um, MMA Fighters or really great martial artists like Bruce Lee. Uh, Bruce Lee was probably one of the nicest people. People, like, they would meet him and like, oh, it's just this little guy. Like, I can't believe he's this martial arts master. But they knew he was still dangerous. They knew his abilities and everything. So I think I apply that to myself in the sense of like, I never doubt anyone. I go around. I always respect people, get to know them. Uh, I think everyone brings value to my life, but I never underestimate what I'm capable of in those same situations. And I think that's just kind of the gist of it. Like, treat everyone with respect, learn from everyone, but stay dangerous at the same time.

Chris Miller: Sharpen your sword at the same time. It's that idea of carry a big stick, but speak softly. Yes. Or the meek. Let me think. Here the person who knows how to use a sword. Knowing how to use a sword but choosing not to use it. We had uh, one of the MMA instructors for a local gym and I was talking to him and I was like, I would bet whenever you train in mixed martial arts, you actually prevent your likelihood of entering into a fight. Right. Because you respect it way more. And you recognize that very rarely is a violence going to do something. Even if you win in this certain moment and the guy runs off, who's to say he's not going to come up and splash your tires, do something like that. Or go after someone you love, or smash a window, or show up with a gun. There's all these different things and you recognize that. And every guy wants to be someone who knows how to be Bruce Lee, but also be super know, like, we want to have that. And that's why that really stuck out to me was Remain Dangerous. But I view the podcast in some sense as an opportunity for younger people, particularly like in your Twenty s, to learn from people, but also find ways or find examples that showcase this stuff. So whenever you talk about writing a playbook for men, that perks my ears up. Because that's kind of my thinking as well, is how can I collect conversations that can provide examples of all these different things in a way that it's convenient for people to come to the podcast? Because not only do they get to be entertained and learn about you falling down on a dirt bike, or not even a dirt bike on a dirt hill, uh, on your bike, on your Mongoose with back pegs. But then they can also learn about the concept of ego death. Yeah, it's walking that path and really blazing that trail. So many other people are doing this. Right. But what does that look like for me personally?

Chris Austin: Right, so there's this thing that, um, I remember reading about when I was like a teenager, I want to say, or maybe like early 20s, um, in New York. They had these things called, um, human libraries. Yeah. And you can go and you could talk to people from multitudes of walks of lives. And it was just like you can talk to someone from a different country, someone who's been a, uh, convicted felon. You could talk to a mother of four, and it's just an opportunity for people to interact with each other. And at the time when I read this podcasts, weren't they were a thing, but they weren't as prevalent as now. I think now it's like Wild West. Everyone can kind of do it. Uh, everyone has access to it. But back then, it was like, I always wanted to do that. I always wanted to go talk to these different people and figure out the different ways of life, and how can I apply these teachings to myself, and how can I learn from these people? All that being said, your podcast definitely is like one of those human libraries, because I was going through your catalog. I was on Spotify listening to him. I'm like, he talked to a multitude of people, and these people from the community here in Lawrence. And I'm, like, I've interacted with some of them. I've seen some of them. It was really interesting listening to the one you had with Christy. Yeah. Because we worked together, but we've never actually talked about her time as an athlete. Right. Uh, we've talked about work. We've talked about some things in her personal life and everything, talk about her kids. But she's never fully got a chance to share her feelings and thoughts of how she got to the point she was she reached the highest point ever with sports. Yeah. Just drive and a little bit of, like I think with all athletics, it's a little bit like luck, like avoiding injury and stuff like that. But the story she shared about, uh, playing against that team and talking to the coach and him being like, oh, yeah, you can play for me anytime. This is crazy. Crazy. And so it's just like it's amazing that we now live in a time where so much knowledge is afforded to us. Like, we have the access to here. I can listen to someone talk to Joe Rogan, and they share some really profound things to me. I would never have access to this.

Chris Miller: Person at any other point in time.

Chris Austin: Totally.

Chris Miller: And I think about that here. I think with Christy, that drive was palpable. And being in the room, and I recorded that in the studio at the club. So, uh, being in that room with her and hearing about all those stories and like you said, reaching the peak, getting Mount Everest, it takes a ton of skill, a ton of drive, a ton of luck. And at the same, almost it's not a mistake that she got there because people rarely go up to head coaches on the opposing team in general. Right. In addition to that, people rarely go up to a head coach to make a pitch for themselves whenever they're in high school. Whenever I was in high school, I was trying to probably copy someone's paper or trying to do something that wasn't going to help. Me land one spot closer to winning an Olympic gold medal. But if you were to go to one of those human libraries, who would be like, what book would you like to look at? Is there a certain category of individual or maybe a certain story that you're curious about?

Chris Austin: One I would want to talk to. Like I'm going to say this nicely, uh, a really old person to see their views on how life is now. I mean, how modernized it is, and the accessibility to a lot of different things. I know my grandmother's still around. She's 87, but she is against a lot of the modern things. She doesn't want to get food delivered to her house. She'd much rather get in the car and go drive there. No, you're not going to drive there, grandma. Someone will get it for you. Like how drastically life has changed for them. How some of them feel like she talks about how because we have so much access to things, it's created an environment where people don't want to put into work. We feel as though we are entitled to these amenities. And it's not like food. It's like access to knowledge. What did I do to deserve to be able to look up all this history about the agricultural revolution? Let's just throw that out there. She's like, when she was a kid, she had to go to the library and go find these books and research these things and actually put the time in. Now I can go watch several podcasts. Yeah. I can go watch Crash, uh, course on YouTube and, uh, listen to Hank Green tell me all this stuff. And I would want to talk to a really old person, just like, hear their viewpoints, hear how life has changed drastically for them, if they're with the times or if they're, like, against certain things and how they think things are going for the common American person. And it's going to sound crazy. I'd actually want to talk to someone who's viewed as racist because, uh, it really boggles my mind that anyone could wake up and hate someone else for the color of their skin. Right. It's definitely a them problem. Sure. But anyone who could wake up and hate someone else because of who they love or where they're born, I'd want to get in their mind and be like, I don't want to give them the benefit of the doubt. But there had to been some factor, some event that sparked that in them.

Chris Miller: Because we're not born to hate like that. Yeah. What questions do you think you'd ask? Because you'd have to go beyond the surface level of, like, why are you racist? You would have to say something. So what questions do you think could.

Chris Austin: Peel back the layers? I think I would ask some questions along the lines of, like, at what point did you align with other people? Because I think it's one thing to have your personal views. Uh, myself, other people, we could have personal views about things. But when I hear someone else say that view out loud, I have to receive it some sort of way. Some sort of way. And some of those views are really out there, I believe. Uh, so when you heard this crazy statement from someone else, and you were like, that's it right there. I agree with that. What was the defining factor? What made that ring true for you? And sometimes it's probably, like, a thing or a person, or maybe it's an event. I would ask them about their upbringing, where they grew up, at, the dynamics of their town they grew up in, or where they were. I would ask them they had any trauma involved with people of that race or, uh, gender? Like, sexuality is a big thing now. Is there any trauma involved with that? Like, someone hurt you or did you witness someone get hurt by someone like this? And then, um, I would ask them if there's any, like, in their mind, is there any hope that we could coexist? Because, again, you could feel any way you want about me, but as soon as you try to impose your will upon me, like, you want to make my life harder because I'm a black man, right?

Chris Miller: Yeah.

Chris Austin: What or is there a possibility that we could coexist, that it just wouldn't matter? Because I've met people who have Confederate flags on them, and they're the people like, oh, it's just representation of the south and everything. And, uh, I talked to them about, you know, how that affects people of color, though. You know, what that meant for people of color historically, and you still choose to align with that. So is there a way that we can coexist alongside that? And a lot of them are like, yes, we can. I don't have any issue with you. It's just this represents my heritage or just where my family's from and so on. Just hearing that, I think, would be kind of interesting. I can't say that there's, like, a redeeming quality in it. Um, but I also can say that everyone brings some sort of knowledge or value to my life. So being able to hear from someone else, like, their walk of life and what brought them to that point could.

Chris Miller: Be changing for me. Super interesting. You'd be a good podcaster.

Chris Austin: I don't know, man. Um I'm nervous now still.

Chris Miller: I don't know. But then you'd be able to ask all the questions.

Chris Austin: See, it seems fun, but then, I don't know. I think you do a great job. You're very calm. You lead me into stuff. Can you speak on this and give me talking? I feel like I haven't even been on topic this whole time. We started on the club, and now.

Chris Miller: We'Re talking about human libraries. So good, though, because of that phrase you said, everybody has a value. Yes.

Chris Austin: Not everybody thinks that way.

Chris Miller: Oh, yeah, that is true. And you also said you're inquisitive. So being curious and then seeing each individual as someone who has a value and someone that you can learn from, those are two characteristics that drive people into something like this, because I heavily identify with both those stances.

Chris Austin: Yeah, the value thing is huge because that's something I definitely preach to the teens in my job. Like, you have worth whether you believe it or not. You have skills and talents that you may not have even found yet or have seen, or maybe the thing hasn't been created yet. Because I know there are kids at my job now who, um, have leaned heavily into the Chat GPT and AI realm. And they, uh, are running with it. And they're like, yeah, I did this, this, and this. And I use AI to one kid was like, yeah, I've been using AI to help me and my friends do these papers. And it's wrong. They're cheating.

Chris Miller: You stop doing that. But they're using the prompts and they're figuring it out.

Chris Austin: Yes. And before, I would say these kids probably they would go in the gym, they go hang out, but they never really had something that perked them up. So then we start talking about it and they're like, oh, you can do it for this, this, and this. Have you ever thought about trying this? And it's like the thing that someone may really spark their interest and create that moment for them may not even exist yet. It could exist in, like, two years. I'm one of those people, I look on the Internet and I see people that dudes painting a picture with, like, a rose, but it's upside down. He's blindfolded. And I'm like, how do you even figure out that talent? But there's probably a kid somewhere who sees that. And they're like, I think I can do that too. I can build this thing out of Legos. And then when it falls, it falls into a picture as well. And to us, it's like this inherent superpower. But we just had never thought to try something like that. And I think that there's going to be moments in people's lives where there's going to be something here in the next couple of years where I'm like, that's it right there for me. I want to try that.

Chris Miller: I want to do that.

Chris Austin: You think? Oh, yeah. When? The last year? Well, in the Pandemic, it was the guitar. Uh, I played music growing up. I did, like, violin and stuff like that. But something about the Pandemic, I was bored at the house, like, I'm going to get a guitar. So I found one on Facebook Marketplace for like, $30 and started messing around with guitar.

Chris Miller: You should have brought it and played it.

Chris Austin: I don't know, man. I'm not that good at it yet. But in that time of me messing around with guitar. I'm like, this may be my thing, but I'm really interested in bass guitar. So then I'm like, I'm saving to get a bass guitar. I have a ukulele now. It's like building up and trying those different things. In the next couple of years, I'm starting the journey of fatherhood and maybe something sparks like my kids doing some sort of art activity. And I'm like, you know what, I really want to get some canvases and try this with her. I don't know, painting is my thing or something.

Chris Miller: How are you feeling about being a dad?

Chris Austin: Uh, dude, it's like the most nerve wracking, weirdest situation. I've always been like, again, a distant co parent. So I feel like I've gotten experience, but nothing is the same as I now have to ensure this kid is safe. 24/7. Yeah. Before it was the 8 hours they're with me at school or the 3 hours are with me at club. But now it's the real deal.

Chris Miller: It's like everywhere. It's funny because I see you smiling about it because you've probably thought a lot about it.

Chris Austin: Dude, I think about it every single day. It's getting close. Uh, her due date is July 17. So like in the next two weeks and I mean, she could theoretically come at any point in time.

Chris Miller: Right? You may finish this podcast as a dad, possibly. Uh, I don't know.

Chris Austin: You'll be there for that. I feel like the phones would have been blowing up. The bad phones. Uh, my girlfriend is she's like, if I text you during work, you need to be able to leave.

Chris Miller: And I'm like, okay, yeah, I got you. Wow, that's so exciting, man. Yeah. So you're going to have a.

Chris Austin: Little girl? Yeah. Pretty, uh, nerve wracking because I have a sister. I have sisters. But uh, how do I interact with this human, this new human, and coach them up and teach them and mentor them, love them effectively? When I feel like I have so many shortcomings myself, it's like you have to find love for yourself, but then also create this space and environment for this future adult, this human. I use the term human lovingly, but I don't know how I'm going to do it. I take it one day at a time.

Chris Miller: But when are you going to tell her about ego death?

Chris Austin: Five years old. I don't know. It's weird because I hope that she has a personality like mine. I've always been really, um, quiet and reflective. Mom would joke about when I was like a little kid. She was like, we have to come check on you because you would be so quiet in your room. Wow. I'd be like reading or playing with toys or something. They had to come in and look inside the room, make sure I was still alive. So if she has that, then maybe earlier on we could talk about some of those things, some deeper things. But if she just wants to go and she's like a kid, I'm going to let her do her thing. I'm going to try to put her in some sports or some music stuff and spark some interest here and there. But I'm going to let her be herself and just try to love her.

Chris Miller: As much as possible. Wow. Uh, you'll be an awesome dad and she'll be awesome too. I have yet to be a father, but the more and more I hear from my friends and just the men around me, the experience of fatherhood is.

Chris Austin: You can't duplicate it. Right? I personally didn't grow up with my dad. Uh, shout out to my dad, I love him to death. Uh, I didn't grow up with him. So having opportunity to, uh, write that and create a different environment for someone else, it means a lot to me. Mhm but it's scary. It's scary because I don't know what's going to happen in three years. You turn on the news now and there's so much stuff going on in the world. So it's like, how can I shield her from all these things, but also make sure she's, uh, prepared for stuff. And it's a crazy thought because she's not even here yet. She's going to be like a baby. But I'm already thinking about man, when she's like ten years old, the climate of the world could look like this. And I might have to be doing this, this, and this to make sure I have money set aside.

Chris Miller: And it's nerve wracking. Mhm. Has there been things that have gone by the wayside as you are thinking more about being a dad? For instance, um, maybe the time I play fortnite, I'm going to spend doing something different. Because I know once you become a.

Chris Austin: Dad, then your priorities shift. So I definitely going to have to step back at the club. I've been starting to do that with the help of Christy and Chris, uh, wash, like our director of operations, um, delegating more tasks. I'm the type of person I show up to work at 910 in the morning. I'm leaving at like eight, nine at night. I'm at the club all day. So being able to step away, spend time with my families will be huge. Video games have been, I don't know, I'm a gamer. I like the game, but it's not never really been an issue for me to walk away from it. I, uh, can just put it down. And I think that might be something that me and her may share as she gets older, a love for something like that.

Chris Miller: What if she starts beating you at games?

Chris Austin: That's fine. That's cool. I'll put her in some tournaments. If she shows aptitude in anything, I'm going to push her to do great in those things to where she feels good about it. If she just wants to be casual with stuff, we already kind of talked about this me and my, uh, girlfriend talked about, um, she's not going to be an iPad kid. We're not going to give her an iPad, not going to give her any devices or anything. But when she's of age and she can do stuff, I was like, I'll probably get her one of those they have those Atari things that has all the games on it. Uh huh. Something really simple overstimulate her or anything. Just the classics. Like, you could play Mario, you could play Snake. Yeah, some simple where she gets the concept of a video game, but not necessarily like, you're not playing Call of Duty right now. You're not going overboard. And we just want to keep her as away from overstimulation as possible and hopefully push her to doing art and reading or doing sports and stuff and having what we consider a normal childhood. Because I don't think some of these kids get a normal childhood based on the fact of the access they get to knowledge. Uh, internet, um, the stuff you can see on the internet, just it changes you mind boggling. These kids, the teens I work with are so much more mature than I was as a teen. And at first I thought I was just crazy for thinking that. But then when I'm having conversations with an, uh, 8th grader about NFTs and why they failed, or a kid's like, yeah, I created this. I've been selling this at my school. Um, or, hey, I'm the candy guy, so I get to go to the store and buy all this candy at Five Below, so that everyone venmos me their money, and I take orders on venmo and stuff. And it's like, that wasn't around when I was a kid. That wasn't a thing. So now it's just so different. And I think the pandemic definitely, uh, accelerated that because they were forced to lean more into, um, the digital sphere. They got sent home. They're at home. They now have all their iPads and devices, and the parents still have to go to work. So for that distance learning time of, like, it was like three, four months, I think it pushed a lot of kids to, uh, just a different way of thinking, a different life. And it's been interesting as an adult, seeing that, knowing how I change, but.

Chris Miller: Watching legitimate kids just be different people, it makes me I hear professors, I've talked to them, and they're like, for some reason, the students are performing worse than any class ever. And they can pinpoint it back to distance learning because they were away from the classroom, away from the socialization, away from, oh, he's over there. John just got an A. Dang it. I got a B right now. It's, hey, what what score did you get on the test? And then they send you back a GIF of, like, Homer Simpson fading into the mean you can't tell anymore. So having all of that around you, it's no longer there. And they can pinpoint it back to being removed from the classroom, being at home, to where you can open another tab and watch Mr. Beast give 10,000 people glasses, or fix their vision, or watch him give away jets, or you can watch who knows.

Chris Austin: What on anywhere on any other platform. See, as a person who works with youth, uh, I don't push the way the current school system is. I don't think it really like, it teaches kids basics and things, but it doesn't push them to excel in the things that are really important to them.

Chris Miller: Right.

Chris Austin: But with that, I could see how there are good things in distance learning and there are bad things. The good things are is that kids were introduced to being self sufficient, and a lot of kids figured out school is not really their thing, but in that they weren't given other options. It wasn't like, hey, school may not be your thing. Let's try woodworking, let's try developing a skill somewhere else. It's just now, like you said, they can go on social media, they go on the YouTube. There's, like, kind of filling time. Um, again, I'm not big on how school is set up now. I don't think it necessarily creates an environment where kids are excelling in what they're passionate about. It just creates either a worker or someone who's, like, jaded and upset. They had to go through it because a lot of the teens I deal with are very upset about school. They're like, I don't like it. The social interaction part of it, I can get. Like, everyone goes through that, uh, when they're like, my teachers don't really care. I don't know why I have to learn this type of math. My passion is, I don't know, uh, music or dance or something. Like the arts are being forced out of schools because of the funding. It's like, where's that line where we're like, we're not creating a space where kids can grow and learn and become full people. They're just learning to become an adult who hopefully gets a job, hopefully maintains it.

Chris Miller: I, uh, don't know, man. Me neither. I'm not crazy about the school set up. And with that criticism, I always have to ask myself, well, what's my better proposal? Because particularly whenever you're educating a whole bunch of people, you want to do it at a rate to where most parents can afford it. And then it's really hard to standardize education because you were better at some things that I wasn't, and I was better at some things you weren't. Uh, but Montessori schools are really interesting. Yes. Right. Going at different paces. And Annie, my wife, she went to one, and she was doing, like she was in third grade or whatever, but doing 7th grade math because she just excelled at that. And rather than being like, nope, we're just sticking with multiplication for the whole year. Right. It's like, okay, let's talk algebra too. Right? Because you can handle it. Um, and it's worked out. I mean, she's brilliant and it's worked out really well for her. So it definitely makes me interested in exploring that.

Chris Austin: Whenever we have kiddos, that's definitely been the thing that I've been pushing. So my girlfriend's like home school, uh, I'm not a home school person. I don't think that's like, the right move. I want the socialization aspect of school. I love that I know kids sometimes are against it because of I mean, you're dealing with immature people. Your peers are going to perceive you a certain way. You're going to perceive things a certain way. So that side of it, I think, is good because you have to work through conflict and discourse and you have to wake up every single day and learn to be presentable without that aspect. I think a lot of people will be worse off without that socialization.

Chris Miller: Right.

Chris Austin: But Montessori, um, is like, what I want to do. There you, uh, go. Yeah. I want her to have the opportunity to really lean into the things she's interested in and she's good at, but also still have the socialization aspects of school. It just is hard because they're expensive. And like you say, with the standard the cost of school, we talk about how, ah, there are common human rights that just should not be denied based on money. I don't think food and clean water or shelter should be like, behind the wall of money. Education should not be either. I think that's where we as a culture have definitely failed the youth and we continually not make the change is like, it's hard.

Chris Miller: Yeah, it is super hard. So I want to respect your time. So we'll start wrapping up soon, but any questions you have or anything you want to explore.

Chris Austin: Um, where do you see your podcast going in the next, like, two, three years?

Chris Miller: Two, three years?

Chris Austin: Yeah.

Chris Miller: So where do I see my podcast going in the next two to three years? I need to talk to your NFT guy. Maybe I can turn I can turn every single frame. So, like, as I'm talking right now, and I'm doing what, 30 frames per second right now. So just from then and there was like 300 frames, turn every frame into an NFT and then sell that and become a billionaire. Where do I see the podcast going, man? Hopefully it's still active in two to three years. My goal is to maintain at least one a week. My real goal, and I have talked about this on the podcast, but is to get to two a week, Monday and Thursday of conversations. And then lately I've been doing these, like, going out and talking to strangers is something I'm going to be adding in. So I've been working on getting content for that. And then I've had this other idea in mind of talk to people over the phone. And the reason why is I started this podcast and I wanted to showcase what it looked like to talk to people face to face. So I've yet to do a virtual conversation. I believe that face to face conversation is the cornerstone for relationship fulfillment, relational fulfillment, talking to someone in person. I see you with the club, I'm like, what's up man? And I get to ask you about what's going on. You get to ask me what's going on. And we grow that way and we build community that way. Right now, texting is awesome. FaceTime awesome. Phone calls awesome. They're awesome. Whenever. That's all you got. If you are deciding on should I text my mom or should I not text her for the week, it's like, go ahead and text her. Right? So what I've been thinking about is incorporating a whole bunch of different ways that you can talk to people and a whole bunch of different ways that you can build relationships and build a community that's healthy, uh, in your playbook for young men. Something that you've probably thought about and you're thinking about is you are as good as the people around you, right. And your network. So because of that, we need to make sure we at least have a network and we have a good network. So hopefully in a few years it's going to be maintain m it with good conversations and then get people on here. Maybe we'll do it over the phone, maybe with strangers, whatever, but providing content that encourages and inspires people to connect with those around them.

Chris Austin: Um, that's the goal.

Chris Miller: It's a good goal. Yeah. This is good for me because I'm going to be going on some podcasts soon, so I'll have to be on the receiving end of the questions.

Chris Austin: Would that be a weird experience for you?

Chris Miller: I think it could be a weird experience for me because it always reminds me the responsibility I have. I've been on a couple of podcasts and just that feeling of not knowing what's coming next and then having to like, you've done such a good job navigating me. You're talking about one thing and then I'm like, what kind of bikes you have? You know what I mean? Way out of left field. You've done such a good job navigating that. But that is like the unpredictability aspect of being on the other side will be fun and it's refreshing for me to hear that because it reinforces to me be a good steward of this. Be a good steward of be kind, ask questions that will really bring people out in the best light and maybe I'll learn some know. But they're both going to be virtual m they like really far away. Yeah, one's in Seattle, the other guy's in Kansas City, but he just does a virtual show. But his are live. That's cool. Yeah, it's going to be live stream.

Chris Austin: So there's a comment thread and everything.

Chris Miller: You're from California, right?

Chris Austin: Oklahoma. Oklahoma. Mhm. Your transition to being here inside of Lawrence, Kansas, has that been like how.

Chris Miller: Long have you been in Lawrence for? Three years. And I love Lawrence. I met my wife in North Carolina and she got an opportunity to the University of Kansas. So in the middle of COVID we packed our bag, we showed up I'd never been to Lawrence, Kansas before. And we showed up in our pinsky truck. And I remember getting out of the driveway and walking in being like, all right, I guess we're in Kansas. We went and we got Spin pizza over here in West Lawrence. The next night we went to burger stand, but it was to go. And I didn't really like burger stand until I ate in person. And I was like, okay, this is how the food is supposed to taste. I think a lot of restaurants got screwed over by COVID, of course, we know that. But one of the reasons we don't think about is they're forced to do to go food. And sometimes to go food, no matter how good you cook it, if it sits in a cardboard box for 15 minutes, it's not going to be as.

Chris Austin: Good as on the plate.

Chris Miller: Fresh, right?

Chris Austin: Yeah. A lot of those places, like, downtown, they're not meant to be taken home. It's like, eat it in the moment. There also, like, the ambiance and being out enhances a moment. I mean, like, going out to burger stand, it's like a thing I remember when I first got here, my friend was like, yeah, we gotta go to burger stand. I'm like, Go to where? Like, burger stand we're going to this place says Ball. Didn't even say burger stand on. I'm like, Where are we going? And we go downstairs, order burgers here. And I'm like, okay. And it's like the whole experience of it was it hard transitioning from you said North Carolina, so I'm assuming you're in.

Chris Miller: Were you like a bigger city in, uh, was like, I went to grad school out there. Okay, so it's this beautiful city with these tall pine trees, and you're a couple of hours away from the mountains and a couple of hours away from the beach. And the university was called Wake Forest. So it was in a forest and it had gated community. It's weird because it's a private university and you have to pay like $350,000 to be there for four years. But ten minutes down the road there is households that, uh, impoverished homes, and I didn't pay 350 to be there. I wouldn't have been able to even get a 10th of that. But thankfully, there is a good they paid me to go there, which was a blessing. Uh, and then here we are. We made it. I met my wife. That was probably the best thing that happened in WINTH and Salem. I met incredible people, and when. I look back on what was the best thing to happen to me there, even though I got a grad degree and I got a couple jobs there. It's the people, man. And I'm constantly thinking of the people. All right, last question for you. What is one thing you wish more.

Chris Austin: People knew about you?

Chris Miller: One thing more people knew about me?

Chris Austin: Yeah, that you wish more people knew about you. That's a tough one, because I feel like I'm an open book, honestly. Uh, if anyone would know anything about me, they just ask me, not answer questions. Um, probably for as much as and this is maybe geared more towards the youth. I serve the teens for as much as they may see me and think that I have things together. I don't, and a lot of adults don't. We're still learning and growing every single day. Um, for as much as you see someone, oh, they're confident, they're good. They still have their own insecurities and still working through stuff. So I, uh, say all that to say, don't doubt yourself. Run your race. Uh, it's important to just love yourself and push yourself. Don't feel like you have to accomplish things to make other people happy.

Chris Miller: Do it for you. I lied to you.

Chris Austin: I actually have one more question.

Chris Miller: All right, man, go for it. And this is going to be an interesting question because I'm not sure anybody's ever asked you this, but you mentioned you and your girlfriend are going to be doing, like, a screen free, right? Yeah. But there's going to be one day, wherever your daughter's on YouTube and she watches this podcast. So what's.

Chris Austin: A message to her? Your m mom and dad love you a lot. And even though we may seem stressed.

Chris Miller: Out, it's all going to be okay. You know, one message you need to.

Chris Austin: Say to her.

Chris Miller: Subscribe.

Chris Austin: Like favorite subscribe.

Chris Miller: Hit the little bell, too. Yeah, hit the little bell. Well, thanks for being here, man.

Chris Austin: No problem, man.

Chris Miller: Thanks for having me. Of course. It was fun. And I imagine that, uh, maybe we'll be able to see the floral T.

Chris Austin: Shirt on the podcast in the future.

Chris Miller: Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, hopefully. All right, well, folks, we'll see you next time. And that's it for this week's episode of the Talk to People podcast. If you haven't already, leave a review wherever you're listening. If it's Apple podcasts, you can do five stars. I mean, however many stars you want. If it's Spotify, you can also rate it on YouTube. You can type a review, whatever that looks like. It's going to help the show. Because as people decide whether or not they want to listen, if there's more reviews, they're more likely to listen whenever guests come on. If there's more reviews, they're more likely to want to be a guest. And it goes on. If you're watching the 4K version on YouTube, be sure to click subscribe and I'll see.